The Place Where I Used To Be

I swam ashore and dragged my bare feet to the white, sandy beach. I was drenched all over with sea water and maybe a little bit of tears. The sky was pitch black, the air was cold. I laid my back into the sand and looked out into the sky.

“You know what’s best about not caring anymore?”

The thin air offered silent reply.

“I can just lie down here until I’m dry,” from their thoughts and influences. “I can stay here and close my eyes and let go.”

Humid breeze passed by.

“The reason I changed last year was because I wanted to be just like them,” I whispered to no one. “I thought I could fake it and make them believe that I have the same belief. I thought I could just lay low and speak zero of my mind. I thought I could enjoy being mean and bad mouth people behind their back.”

I felt the soft sands and traced random lines.

“It was supposed to be as easy as it sounds,” I murmured.

You were too stubborn. You just had to say what is right and defend for what is good. You believed in fairness, justice, and kindness in general.

“Hm, I’m not smart enough to play that game, yeah?”

I like you like this a bit better. Just like old times, you’re free. You’re not trying to impress anyone. You talk about what you love as free as the cloud floats.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it for long. Giving physical punishments, bad mouthing people I don’t know the story of, being mean only because I could. I would have itched left and right to do what’s right.”

Do you regret it?

I considered that. “Did you know that I couldn’t talk about fanfiction or being in fandom in general back in year ten? Those were the things that I loved, but they didn’t understand, and so I kept it to myself.”

Your companies now, they understand?

It’s what they love too,” I laughed, remembering stupid conversations and deep discussions about politics, human rights, and fan stories. “Uncool I may be, but happy, I certainly am.”

And that’s good?

I closed my eyes and felt serenity come to me. “I like where I am. It’s as free as I can get. This is where I used to be.”

Good. That’s good.

The voice left me in a ghostly whisper.

In response to: Refresh

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